You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
