I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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