you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
