Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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