So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
