Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
