Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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