he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
