I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
