Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
