All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
one two three fourrrrnication!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
