Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
