TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
