put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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