the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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