You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
