cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
