i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
