I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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