Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
