we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My Sexting was not on an AP level
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
