why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
