I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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