I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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