What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
