marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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