So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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