1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
