If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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