I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We named our party play list daddy issues
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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