Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
