Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
only you would photoshop your dick
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
