need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were trust falling into bushes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
