I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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