Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
