Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
