Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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