the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
