just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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