she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
