I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dick has a subreddit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
