You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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