He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
