your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
