"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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