vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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