Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
