Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
