my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
