Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
