I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
