Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
