that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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