Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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