So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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