I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
