Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
