In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
