Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
