Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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