he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
